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Sending Me to Die

by Painter Fingers

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about

Kids are returning to campuses in my district this week. Lots of anxiety. Am I being a little melodramatic with this tune? Possibly. However, fear of death is a very real thing, and there is no reason to accelerate the process by needlessly exposing people to a deadly virus. I could be doing the same job remotely until it is safe to go back to school, but the leaders of my district want to get as close as possible to the previous ways of in-person learning, so they've required all staff to return, regardless of the fact that most of the kids we are serving are still going to be expecting lessons and meaningful interactions online. Most of our students are part of families that have opted to continue online learning, and their needs will be compromised now that all staff are on site. Our attention will now be divided between online progress monitoring, content creation and tending to the living, breathing preteens in front of us who have needs as well.

The worst of it is that communication and planning for this return has been so poor; a week ago, teachers were under the impression (because it was what we were told) that when kids came back to campus, they would stay in "pods" -- in other words, a small group of fewer than 10 would do their learning online in a teacher's room, no class changes, no mixing of parties, limited spread of germs. Then, on Friday morning, we were told the opposite. Kids, as soon as this Wednesday, are going to be rotating classes, flooding the halls as usual to get where they are going in a hurried manner, all while supposedly still maintaining social distancing guidelines and wearing their masks without fuss. It is what you would call a... hot mess.

Anyhow, this song is dedicated to anyone who has ever been expected to put themselves in harm's way in order to do a job, no matter how big or small.

lyrics

I think they might
Be sending me to die

I think they might
Be sending me to die

That's why I'm writing this all down
So when I'm gone
It'll still feel like I'm around
Wonder what it will be like
To feel my lungs completely drown

I think they might
Be sending me to die

I think that's why
Despite how hard I try
I just can't stay asleep at night

There wasn't much time for summer
At the swimming pool
I don't want to die at a public school

It's gonna make all the numbers right, they said
What good is a dollar when I'm dead?

I think they might
Be sending me to die

I think they might
Be sending me to die

Oh, Mom
I just don't want to
Oh, Mom
Why do we have to?

Oh, Mom
I just don't want to
Oh, Mom
Why do we have to?

credits

released September 14, 2020

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Painter Fingers Leander, Texas

Dream folk, indie pop, soft rock

The Truth Is a Hurricane arrives August 25th

Painter Fingers is the recording project of Travis Charles Hagan, a songwriter and middle school teacher from Texas. ... more

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